Pregnancy and Baby

Drowning

March 5, 2016


Since Cheery Little Thing began I’ve always tried to keep posts of a cheery nature in-keeping with the name of the blog but over the past few weeks I’ve felt myself sliding under the waves of anxiety, fear and disappointment. A trio of emotions which could become much worse if I fail to accept it can be okay to struggle with yourself, your situation and more generally, life.

So, I guess this the first step. Acknowledging that no matter how privileged I may be or should feel in my current circumstance (or you in yours), it can feel like you’re fighting against the tide, waiting for some light relief.

In hindsight, the things I’ve struggled with have largely been outside of my control; changes in the workplace; the inability to ‘finish’ some areas of the house whilst we wait for our landlady to remove furniture and arrange replastering (tidy space, tidy mind is very apt for me); pelvic pain as my muscles strain with Mini’s growth around my hips and pelvis (sadly not relieved through pain relief); attempting to sell, package and post various items to afford new furniture (to replace that being removed by our landlady); finding motivation to write amongst lethargy and, lastly; trying to be visible within various social groups whilst simultaneously wanting to run away to the Lakes/hide under the duvet for a few days.

Throughout my pregnancy so far I’ve not changed much emotionally – I’ve not broken down in tears on a frequent basis nor have I become ferocious with my words, I’ve just tried to take things as they’ve come but amidst it all, I still managed to find myself with a feeling of drowning.

I imagine it’s largely in part to exhaustion and my preference to just get things done at the time which in some instances can be unrealistic (which can, in turn, lead to frustration). And when frustration and exhaustion meet, it can leave me in a bubble where I’m not myself anymore. Words that shouldn’t hurt do, minor frustrations become a big deal and the only thing to do is to try to find time to step back and remember:

Crying to unleash pent-up emotions doesn’t equal failure.

Needing a day off work to allow yourself to find a way to manage pain doesn’t equal failure.

Not being in control of every situation doesn’t equal failure.

The sentences above are what I’ll be trying to remind myself of over the coming weeks and months as my body adapts, our lives inevitably change and life throws more curveballs at us. Whilst sometimes it can feel like I’m drowning, there’s always time for me to remember that I can swim and put those movements into action or realise it’s better to ask for help than drown.

This post was partly inspired by Ally’s post about anxiety which is worth a read and signposts a wide range of helpful links.

MaternityMondays

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4 Comments

  • Reply Ally (Digital Diva) March 7, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    What an honest…and strong post. Anxiety can be a cruel mistress/master and I do think that talking about it and bringing it to the light helps to lessen the power it has. Hope the pain get better…I think you’re doing a wonderful job of being Mini’s mum-to-be xxx

    • Reply Kay Brown March 7, 2016 at 10:00 pm

      Very true, though it has taken me a long time to realise that it’s okay to talk about it and it doesn’t make you any less strong. Thank you πŸ™‚ xxx

  • Reply Gym Bunny Mummy April 5, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    I know this feeling well. Some days I’m super positive and feeling great, other days I just feel like I can’t get anything done, nothing is finished and it drives me mad and makes me super anxious. Talking about it and sharing it does help xx #MaternityMondays

    • Reply Kay Brown April 7, 2016 at 12:53 pm

      Thank you πŸ™‚ It’s good to know that others feel this way sometimes too even though it can feel so annoyingly irrational at the time xx

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